Ahh, everybody knows the sweet satisfaction of taking an inhumanely sized bite of your favourite chocolate or seeing your lover in his tightest undies, but what are the things that make us women go 'mmm', what are life's sweetest guilty pleasures...
Okay so there are so many cliches in life, so many things we're supposed to smile at, the smell of cut grass in the summer, a baby's laughter, andrex puppies and we do take pleasure out of these things but c'mon, is that really enough? Of course it isn't, there are millions of things we find much more reliable for getting those endorphins flowing!
Sex
An obvious one I know, but this is about tackling the idea of guilty pleasures and addressing the obvious fact that there are some things in life you should feel guilty about, sex is not one of them. Everybody loves it, everybody's doing it so let's stop being prudish and shout it from the rooftops 'GIRL'S LOVE SEX!' Now before you take this wrong let me explain, i'm not saying it isn't a numbers game, i'm not saying let's go around trying every semi-attractive man that passes us in the street, because if life is a box of chocolates and you have a taste of every one you're going to end up with an arse that has it's own gravitational pull.. But, when you're in a relationship with someone you care about, and I mean genuinely care about not just someone who makes you do that silly giggly thing and your knees go jelloid, why not enjoy as much of them as possible. It's about time that people stop cringing at the prospect of experimentation, the sex industry spends and makes millions of pounds every year so either us girls that blush at Ann Summers are really sitting at home sewing whilst the men get fruity or we're becoming bloody good liars! The time where women were submissive and expected to be proper, only 'making love' to their partners in order to generate children is long gone and now we're actually far more powerful when it comes to the world of sex than our male counterparts. So is sex really a guilty pleasure? Maybe, but it shouldn't be. Girl's who regularly change sexual partners are not role models and are abusing the system completely, but then there's the rest of us, decent hard-working ladies who deserve a good dose of hanky-panky!
And whilst we're on the subject, although I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyone has their own taste, what is it with all the freaky sex nowadays? If you've been into a sex shop recently you'll know exactly what I mean, if you've ever looked at something on the shelf before, your mouth open thinking 'that would never fit inside me??!!' What is that all about? This will be a particularly sore subject for all the women out there who has been unfortunate enough to meet one of the 'modern men' that are prowling the streets at the moment, there really are quite some characters out there. Years ago all men wanted was to lie back and enjoy, or maybe take control of the situation, but now it seems they're game for anything! When did it become acceptable for both parties involved to be wearing lace panties? And who was the first girl who approached a man and uttered the phrase 'honey I'd really like it if during sex tonight you put your fingers in my anus?' or 'sweetheart, could you please gag me?' What happened to good old fashioned sex, as much as I think we shouldn't be guilty about having sex, that doesn't mean that we need to push every boundary going, because some were put there, in my opinion, for a very good reason!
Chocolate
Okay so the heading may say chocolate, but this is really just a metaphor for any calorie-filled snack food we love, so whether it's popcorn, ice-cream, cake or crisps us ladies all have a soft spot- or in other words something we cannot seem to stop scoffing! Now this is a tricky subject when it comes to guilt. I myself am curvy and obviously i'm using the word curvy in the modern-sense as a cover up for 'carrying an extra stone at least', and I can say with a straight face that I genuinely believe women need chocolate. We have so much in life to think about, work, children, boyfriends/husbands and their antics, ironing, shoes and we're frowned upon for drinking wine by the gallon or turning to drugs. To me, it's entirely plausable that whilst watching a soap we should be entitled to devour a box of chocolate fingers or a tub of twiglets, we've earned it! But then again, I can't knowingly deny that guilt from snacking is one of the worst! It won't hit you whilst you've got dairy milk melting on your tongue, it won't even hit you when you're collecting a gigantic pile of wrappers for the bin, but it will hit you the next morning when you pass yourself in the mirror and wonder how Jabba the Hut broke into your bedroom. We all go through women's magazines and grimace at the pictures of celebs with the tiniest ripple of cellulite on their thighs, but I challenge you to stand infront of the mirror and jiggle around a bit, not too much because you will frighten yourself, but rest assured it's not a pretty sight! But the worse you look the guiltier you feel, the more chocolate you eat- this is what I call the circle of life concept.
All in all, chocolate has to, unfortunately, stay as a guilty pleasure- but we all know that's not going to stop us!
Facebook Stalking
So Facebook has now sadly become part of most of our everyday lives, and forgetting to update your status is now on a par with forgetting to feed one's children or forgetting to switch the iron off. It's sad but true that to most of us Facebook has become much like cocaine, all of us requiring that 'one last homepage check' before bed and then ten minutes after you should be asleep your phone beeps telling you you have a notification and you run to the laptop. It's a demanding mistress. But Facebook has also become a platform for another of our guilty pleasures which is facebook stalking. Ohhhhh nobody could put into words the absolute bliss we feel seeing a picture of our ex looking awful, or better still him dating someone looking awful, it's brilliant! Gone are the days when someone's business is their own, it's now fundamentally our right to see that girl you went to school with put on ten pounds or the guy you used to date lumbered with two kids by different women and the 'I knew he'd end up like that'. I'm going to be honest, I spend far more time looking at the profiles of people who aren't my friends than I do people I like. Also, when other girls have a baby- we're all guilty of looking at the pictures, cooing or deciding just how cute it is. I even find myself adding people with private profiles who I know won't accept me, in a desperate attempt to feed my addiction. This stalking is especially trained to notice any slight change in relationship status, and the need to get involved in arguments which you aren't involved in, the temptation to leave comments like 'I always knew he was a tosser, you can do so much better honey' on statuses of girls you haven't spoken to more than once. Although there is plenty to feel guilty about on this subject, I argue that it's become so socially acceptable now that it's no longer a guilty pleasure but a right of passage for a woman! And so what if I know every person my boyfriend befriended three months before we met, or who he went out with, or what his friend's mum looks like...
Shopping
Shopping is not a guilty pleasure.
So maybe I'm a student and have no money, maybe toast is my main food group, maybe i'm lucky if my toast isn't moldy but still even in my current financial situation (and by situation I mean shit-creek) I truly believe that shopping is a habit which women cannot and should never live without. It would be positively dangerous for a woman to have just one pair of jeans because it is just impossible that that pair of jeans will go with both boots and trainers. Utterly ridiculous. Men do not understand how women can look around shops endlessly and never get bored, but that is because men don't understand the pleasure that woman will get when she finds those perfect heels or a cardigan which matches just right with that top she bought. We sit idly by and never complain when men spend hours on their car, motorbike or on a golf course, watching football, so I ask you why on Earth they think they have the right to question something which is so intrinsically part of our nature! Do they not want us to be happy?! Therefore my advice to any woman who's other half implies that shopping falls in the guilty pleasure category, revoke number one on the guilty pleasures list until further notice.
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