'Love and marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a horse and carriage'
'Marriage and divorce, marriage and divorce, he keeps the carriage and you're lumbered with his horse.'
So as you may have guessed, this entry is not about the idyllic couples who ride off into the sunset on a white horse, this entry is about break-ups. The good, the bad and the ugly.
The good break-ups are a blessing, the lesser of two evils. These are the kind of break-ups that occur usually after very short relationships, where it becomes painfully obvious very quickly that the two individuals can't last. Maybe it'll be that 'he was boring', or 'she did this irritating thing with her nose' or any matter of reasons why two people fundamentally don't click. For these couples a break-up is a relief, it really is the only plausable action to take, to cut your losses and walk away. Who knows if in the future maybe you'll be friends or just civil, maybe you'll even end up getting drunk at a party one night and ending up in bed together again. But no matter what path two individuals who've been through this take, they will never last; because if the thought of losing your other half doesn't fill you with absolute horror and panic then you aren't in love. If you can get out of bed and function normally after a break-up, you weren't in love. Love is consuming and powerful and if you are ever unfortunate enough to lose someone you love, you'll know that it is debilitating, agonising and shakes you to your very core.
The bad break-ups are like torture. When you lose someone who you've dedicated half your thoughts to for any substantial period of time, every mundain object you lay eyes on will remind you of them. The toaster brings back memories of him making you toast just how you liked it, the bed reminds you of early nights together and late mornings, leaving work stings everynight as you walk out the door and get that lump in your throat when you realise he's not there, and never will be. These break-ups feel terminal, you've cried so much you have a constant ache in your chest, you've tortured yourself by pouring over every photo of the two of you, finding any obsolete item he's left at yours (a used kleenex) and routinely checking his facebook every ten minutes. These break-ups are the type that have you watery eyed everytime you pass someone in the street who wears his aftershave, wincing at the mention of his name or a car like his driving past. These break-ups are unholy. Surprisingly enough, having experienced a few breakups of my own I have learned one thing, it is far better to be dumped, than to dump. It sounds unlikely, but when somebody leaves you and breaks your heart, you have pure, untainted dispair. You can sob and scream and make your girlfriends suffer as you ask 'why did he do this? how could he do this?' over and over, but eventually the pain will fade because it's replaced with anger 'why the hell did he do that? He's so stupid for doing that!' With a bit of time, your friends and retail therapy you will eventually recover from this kind of break-up, practically unscathed. No, the kind of bad break-up which will really do some damage to the old heart are the ones you chose. Seeing pain that you've inflicted is the most guilt-inspiring thing. And of course, you probably had a bunch of very good reasons for ending the relationship, but he won't understand them and unfortunately, nobody else will either. So you've lost someone who was a huge part of your life, and you're missing them but don't expect any sympathy, not at all! Because you have now undergone an overnight transformation into a bitch from hell. And prepare yourself for entering a room and catching snippets of conversation like 'she broke his heart' and 'never deserved him anyway'... ouch. And then comes doomsday. The day you see him with someone else and you wonder 'did I do the right thing? Was he that bad?' this is fatal. Because if this guy has a scrap of self-respect and integrity he won't give you the time of day, and unfortunately the only way to deal with this kind of break up is to suck it up and get on with life, occassionally wondering 'what if?'
The ugly break-ups can be amusing, until they get out of hand. In my opinion it's highly theraputic to seek a little bit of revenge on someone who dumps you. In the past admittedly i've been known to destroy posessions, spread spiteful rumours about bedroom incidents, burn photographs, hell I even vaguely remember plastering photos of my exes bottom all over the walls of our college... it didn't go down well. But my point is, if someone has had the cheek to dump you, it's only fair that you get to be a little petty, a little irritating and inconvenience them like they have you. But there is a definite danger of forgetting what's healthy in these break-ups. For example, some women get confused and begin to think it's their right to interfere in their exes new relationships, this isn't cool. If he's moved on? Do not make a fool of yourself by being spiteful- it will get you nowhere but lower in his opinion. Maybe he'll even pity you... Or others will, and that is not a desirable effect. So when you're tempted to tell his new girlfriend that he also took you for a picnic, or that he's not good in bed, just remember that he will probably burst her bubble one day too. And if he doesn't, and they're happy- sorry sister, c'est la vie. hold your head high, don't be bitter and deal with it.
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